It is my third year to work in BV, I guess so far the greatest challenge I overcame was getting married. I had the worst fear of marriage ever. I had been satisfied with my life, my single blessedness with a kid in tow and marriage had always been a plunge into the unknown or what I had expected is something that is meant to fail based on experience. But marriage is a growth whether rapid-expansive or stunted it is growth and like time it is moving forward and never back.
Whatever my situation right now, it is moving towards a goal, composed of small visions and missions, specific objectives and measurable targets…oops. Why oops, it seems I kind of lost sight…I know what I am capable of doing but it seems I am not maximizing my service. Its almost a decade since I had defined my purpose and almost fifteen year since I established the professional timeline. Actually, at this point in my life, I had envisioned that I will be taking my doctorate somewhere in a foreign university. But no opportunity had sprung up and the rejection is kind of painful and I ask God is this really your plan for me? Given my current line of sight or line of mind, this seems to be a path towards mediocrity. I know God did not create me to become a mediocre ISO auditor.
This is my point of uncertainty, should I move forward? If so, towards what direction? I have a Masters Degree in Environmental Science, is the next step to get a PhD? Or just fight out the threat of mediocrity, whatever that threat might be. Fighting out mediocrity and wasting precious energy, that would be fighting the laws of nature, particularly the law of thermodynamics.
Can I use the blogsphere to get academic funding? https://ecomaray.wordpress.com/2013/08/18/the-academic-temptation/ Oh Lord, this just hurts so much.
I could not believe it is more than three weeks since I last wrote a post here, for quite some time, I do feel a strong sense of frustration that I am not really achieving much in my life. I have chosen a path that requires a lot of qualification before I could finally say I am qualified and competent to do what I am supposed to do, yet there are times when I wish I could simply just work in an office and just manage its day to day operations using my common sense.
What shall we be doing in the next few weeks? Though at times, I felt the itch of browsing through job boards and looking for new green opportunities, there is still this urge for me to at least be patient and get qualified. It can really be frustrating honestly.
Time is ticking, tick tock…and I haven’t done much.
What is truly frustrating about my career path is the very slow development of carbon market opportunities here in the Philippines, there are but everything is very limited. Other than the UNFCCC-CDM projects, there are the VCS and other voluntary carbon schemes that abound the global carbon market, yet one to two or three GHG emission projects in the Philippines would crop up.
The problem I guess is that everything becomes politicized, everyone wants to make money in the short term, foregoing the long term benefits which far outweighs the short term gains. I can’t believe I am in my thirties and things have just degraded around me, hmmph. Anyway, karmic justice will get back at you people, corrupting and greenwashing everything, you may have irresponsibly used my hard earned tax money deducted from my meager salary…but you can’t take away my competence and future qualification…aaargh!
Maybe this economic disarray and lack of opportunity is the effect of long term mismanagement…don’t look back, you’ll turn to salt…it is so hard to require patience in your life choices, ouch!