Have you ever surrendered yourself to the supervision of someone expecting that it will be for the best but ended up feeling used? this is the point in my life that I feel like an utter failure. Asking God why why why? Why do I feel that I deserve more. I believe I am capable of doing a lot more things for the greater good of mankind, but I was forced to mediocre and pathetic tasks. Is this the point of mean time, the point where I feel I am no longer creating value for myself, for my country and the common good. Am I good, only the bad have been highlighted and I feel I don’t belong. I deserve to be in a place where I can be respected and my potentials are maximized. I am constantly praying for that place, I feel I am just wasting my time right now. Time is such a precious resource to be wasted and I don’t want to waste something I believe is very valuable and nothing can make up for lost time.
Monthly Archives: March 2014
It is my third year to work in BV, I guess so far the greatest challenge I overcame was getting married. I had the worst fear of marriage ever. I had been satisfied with my life, my single blessedness with a kid in tow and marriage had always been a plunge into the unknown or what I had expected is something that is meant to fail based on experience. But marriage is a growth whether rapid-expansive or stunted it is growth and like time it is moving forward and never back.
Whatever my situation right now, it is moving towards a goal, composed of small visions and missions, specific objectives and measurable targets…oops. Why oops, it seems I kind of lost sight…I know what I am capable of doing but it seems I am not maximizing my service. Its almost a decade since I had defined my purpose and almost fifteen year since I established the professional timeline. Actually, at this point in my life, I had envisioned that I will be taking my doctorate somewhere in a foreign university. But no opportunity had sprung up and the rejection is kind of painful and I ask God is this really your plan for me? Given my current line of sight or line of mind, this seems to be a path towards mediocrity. I know God did not create me to become a mediocre ISO auditor.
This is my point of uncertainty, should I move forward? If so, towards what direction? I have a Masters Degree in Environmental Science, is the next step to get a PhD? Or just fight out the threat of mediocrity, whatever that threat might be. Fighting out mediocrity and wasting precious energy, that would be fighting the laws of nature, particularly the law of thermodynamics.
Can I use the blogsphere to get academic funding? https://ecomaray.wordpress.com/2013/08/18/the-academic-temptation/ Oh Lord, this just hurts so much.